The Selfie Rant

My try at a "selfie."

My try at taking a selfie.

For years now, social media has been covered with millions of self portraits known as “selfies.” Often, Instagram pages can be nothing but a collection of these annoying photos. Your news feed is now spammed with selfies, and the problem is getting out of hand.

People take selfies in almost any situation. At the restaurant, on their way home from school, or when they’re bored and have nothing better to do.

People are now even buying selfie sticks to get more into their photo. The Chainsmokers, in early 2014, released a rather catchy song named “#Selfie.” It earned over 300k views on YouTube, and peaked at number eleven on the UK charts. The most popular genre of photo is now the selfie.

The typical selfie looks like it has been captured with a potato, as they are usually taken with the front facing camera of a smart phone (which are usually significantly less quality than the back facing one). They say that the correct filter (Which can be found by tapping the edit button on your desired photo) can perfect any photo, which is probably why almost every selfie has one. They can change the look and feel of almost any photo, warmer or colder, darker or lighter.

It’s gotten to the stage where it’s just not cool to have your photo taken by someone else. What family would need a professional photographer when it can now all be done in the back garden with your phone and a metal pole.

So with all this fuss over selfies, I thought I would have a go myself. I used a metal pole I found in my room, elastic bands and a lollypop stick to make my own selfie stick. I went out into public and tried out my creation. It was, let’s say, awkward. Whenever I was about to take the photo, I suddenly became self conscious and looked around me to see if anyone was looking. Taking photos in public takes a lot of courage. 😂

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However, after saying all this, I think I could finally be understanding this whole selfie thing. Once I took one photo with my selfie stick, I couldn’t stop! I too now have hundreds of selfies stored on my phone, and I find it really exciting deciding where my next selfie will be, and what will will be in it.

-Hayden

How To Be A Teenager In 6 Simple Steps…

Doesn’t it get really annoying when you see teens stumbling through the streets of town, hanging around in the children’s play park, and playing the game, “who can litter the most?” For my first post, I’ve compiled six things that almost every teen will do on a day to day basis. Am I kind, or am I kind?

1. Whenever possible, stay away from all members of the family.

If you want to be the cool dude, then it’s important that you avoid all family, and spend every day out with your other ignorant teen friends.  Spend your life either in your room, in the bathroom (everyone, including teens, need to go sometimes) or walking the streets of town. The only exception to this rule is if you want something, in which case you must politely request your desired amount of money from a parent, and stroll of to the corner shop with a grunt.

2. Fill your phone’s storage up with selfies.

It’s important that you stay trendy, and what’s the trendiest thing out there right now? The selfie! It’s a great way to keep your memories of watching Saturday night television, using the toilet, and being bored. Take a selfie everywhere, until you have no more room left on your phone to store anything else. When in public, never ask a stranger to take your photo, that’s just not cool. Instead, (despite feeling uncomfortable, looking around for people who may be watching you) take a selfie.

3. Go litter crazy!

Who even cares about the environment? All it is is the place that we will live the rest of our life in, so what’s so important about that? Because you’re a lazy teenager you automatically have permission to ruin the environment. A few metres is WAY too far for ANYONE to walk, never mind some teenager who should be having an active lifestyle. You could die of a heart attack, better safe than sorry. 👍

4. Get a super expensive phone and ruin it.

These days, all the kids have an iPhone. In order to complete step number two, you must own a phone. Beg your parents for the most expensive you can get, the more money spent, the more popular you will be. It is also extremely important that within two days of usage, smash the screen. That way everyone will notice your sparkling, new, expensive phone.

5. Hang around town.

You never grow too old for the children’s play park! After school, walk straight to the park without telling your parents, and play on the swings with your friends. xD Be sure to shout loudly in everything you say, and also use the following step when out and about;

6. Swear. (Loudly)

Because you want to look like an adult, it is important to get into the habit of it. As I said above, scream the rude language as loud as you can to attract attention. It doesn’t matter if a little old lady happens to hear and take offence, or if a child picks up on your bad behaviour, you’re a reckless teenager who cares for nobody.

So there you have it, follow these steps to become the common teenager! Hope you enjoyed, and let me know if these tips helped you!

If you don’t get it, it’s a joke!

-Hayden